I have always been the type of girl to care too much. I’m the type of girl that has to put makeup one before I leave my house. I’m the type of girl that follows the rules and I get very angry when other people do not. I’m bossy and articulate and I have a very strict way of organizing and going about my day. I’m a type A.
I want to stop being that girl. I want to stop worrying about every little bump in my hair and every little crumb in my bed.
Yet, sometimes, I do. Some days, I do not care about my hair or acne. Some days I stare at people when they stare at me. Some days I even speak up for myself. But not always.
I’m quick to anger when a minor inconvenience alters my daily routine. I get pissy when I do not get a perfect A on an English paper or when my reflection doesn’t mirror the girls I see on my Instagram feed.
I’m an enforcer, I’m a dictator, and I’m a mean woman when others do not do what I want them to. I do not like myself for those reasons.
How do I find alternative methods to channel my anxiety and desire for perfection into a healthy mindset? How do I become less fixated on trivial things and instead look at the “bigger picture”?
I’m in need of a change before I drive away a great guy who loves me.
These past couple of months have been difficult and exhilarating; I’ve been grasping for time where I can just relax to no avail.
Is this an existential crisis? Advice, words of wisdom, stories of similar problems, or even an acknowledgment would be greatly appreciated.
xoxo,
Natalie Joy
Lifestyles of a Blonde 