that girl.

I have always been the type of girl to care too much. I’m the type of girl that has to put makeup one before I leave my house. I’m the type of girl that follows the rules and I get very angry when other people do not. I’m bossy and articulate and I have a very strict way of organizing and going about my day. I’m a type A.

I want to stop being that girl. I want to stop worrying about every little bump in my hair and every little crumb in my bed.

Yet, sometimes, I do. Some days, I do not care about my hair or acne. Some days I stare at people when they stare at me. Some days I even speak up for myself. But not always.

I’m quick to anger when a minor inconvenience alters my daily routine. I get pissy when I do not get a perfect A on an English paper or when my reflection doesn’t mirror the girls I see on my Instagram feed.

I’m an enforcer, I’m a dictator, and I’m a mean woman when others do not do what I want them to. I do not like myself for those reasons.

How do I find alternative methods to channel my anxiety and desire for perfection into a healthy mindset? How do I become less fixated on trivial things and instead look at the “bigger picture”?

I’m in need of a change before I drive away a great guy who loves me.

These past couple of months have been difficult and exhilarating; I’ve been grasping for time where I can just relax to no avail.

Is this an existential crisis? Advice, words of wisdom, stories of similar problems, or even an acknowledgment would be greatly appreciated.

xoxo,

Natalie Joy